So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
