I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
