I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
