someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
