I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
