And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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