she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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