I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
