he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
