Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
