Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You can't just leave with hair like that
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
