I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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