I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well I just put wine in my tea
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
