yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
