there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
