There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
