U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
