just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
