I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
someone owes me an orgasm
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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