I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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