loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
