shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
