Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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