we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
