Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
