names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
