That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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