hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
