she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
