There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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