So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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