a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
