Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
