Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
