oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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