you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
