And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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