Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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