My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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