I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
