At least make sure they are 18
Why
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
