You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
