I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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