Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
