This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
