he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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