***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
