There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
