but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
