i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
