i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
