i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
