if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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