I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
